Abundant Life

It is beautiful outside. I could fool myself and pretend I was in Alaska because of the fogginess. All I could see on those foggy spring days in Valdez were the verdant green hillsides with fog covering the tops of the mountains. It looks much the same as here all you can see are the beginings of the rich green hills through the mists. I remmeber the beauty of the clear days in Alaska when you could see the snowy mountain peeks hitting the heavens, rejoicing in splendour and the majesty of God's beautiful creation.

Pennsylvania has a beauty all its own as well. The view from my window is a variation of awesome shades of green and bright red pink cherry blossoming trees, chattering squirls, singing birds, hills and uniquely awesome people as well. The view outside my window is breathtaking...I feel like I am in an nature retreat or something from second story almost all I can see is a network of glorious trees. I will miss the view when I get back to the suburbs. There will be lots of things that I will miss while I am gone. However, I will find it a blessing to be back with my family and church family as well.

I am learning esp. this last week here at school how much I need to live in the moment not complaining or looking on the dark side as I have been given SO many blessings and good things by God. Health, eyes to see, a wonderful Savior, who's beauty I have only begun to experience as through a glass dimly and oh so many other wonders as well as the love of the God who has so richly gifted all things! I am so undeserving of all the blessings He outpours! He is so generous and wise. When He withholds something He only does so because He knows that giving that something would not be good for me ultimately. His timing and wisdom is perfect. Therefore each moment I must give all of myself to Him. Trusting Him to deal out faithfully in His wisdom what is best.I am also learning the beauty of loving others because of who they are in the image of God. Not focusing on myself but rather on the beauty and wonder of who a person has been crafted by God and has been specially given the gifts they have on loan from God. We are all temporary on this earth we are all awaiting an eternal destination either wonderful beyond description or horrible beyond belief. Those who know the Savior eagerly proclaim the hope within to those around who need to hear.

The creation testifies do we hear its echoes? Listen, look or are we deaf and blinded? By the maddening clamor of this world and its mad dash for meaning, it tries to grasp in so many forms. I got on MSNBC's website this afternoon and looked at several of the popular music videos each of them had a message of searching, for deeper love, meaning and satisfaction. It made me think of the human heart. What it wants and what Christ offers....Come to Me all you who labor and are heavy laden and I will give you rest" "I have come that they may have life and have more abundant" John 10:10...I am just struck with what God does, how He changes hearts and satisfies them.

"Ask that you might recieve" ~Jesus "He is near us" ~Paul

Wyrdmama wrote this prayer and I love it...

"Even though nothing"

"You gather to yourself but are never in need.
You are unchanging yet changing all things.
You search even though nothing in you is lacking.
I cannot begin to unravel the great mystery that is you.
I pray for the grace to live baffled."

Yet, Have you noticed how much it helps to give thanks in ALL circumstances? That is what I have been learning of late. I think that Satan targets our hearts at the place in which he can try to make us grumble rather than looking at what God is doing and has done for us and praising Him for it! I am just amazed when I am enabled by God's grace to praise Him it just changes my entire outlook on life and everything in this world.

I have an immense amount to give thanks for, from the most sublime blessings like Christ's salvation, to the smallest lil thing like the birds singing to the sweet smell of cinnamon. God has and continues to uphold us in life and grant us joy and breath...He engineers our circumstances and draws us nearer to Himself when we are His children...He holds us and keeps us safe from all evil.

We have an ETERNAL hope~unperishable and past beyond our wildest and loftiest dreams of joy and beauty. God Himself the perfection and Author of all good will Himself wash away all the tears and pain from this pilgrims travelling land...yet even here we have tastes of what is coming soon!

Oh how I can't wait!! Lord make us ready and make our hearts overflowing with thanksgiving to You~ for eternity...it begins today!

"Be gracious to me, O God, be gracious to me, For my soul takes refuge in You; And in the shadow of Your wings I will take refuge until destruction passes by...God will send forth His lovingkindness and His truth...Be exalted above the heavens, O God; let Your glory be above the all the earth....I will sing praises to You among all the nations. For Your lovingkindness is great to the heavens and Your truth to the clouds" (Psalm 57:1,5,9b, 10)

Psalm 36:5-10
"Your lovingkindness, O Lord, extends to Heaven Your faithfulness the skies. Your righteousness is like the mountains of God; Your judgements depths defy. O Lord You preserve man and beasts how precious is Your lovingkindness, O God! And the children of men take refuge in the shadow of Your wings. They drink their fill of the abundance of Your house; And You give them to drink of the river of Your delights. For with You is the fountain of life; In Your light we see light. O continue Your lovingkindness to those who know You, and Your righteousness to the upright in heart."

You are the desire of the nations O Lord! All people will come and bow before You. "O Lord, Our hearts are restless until they find their rest in You" -Augustine "Confessions"

This article by Eric Peay was published in the Cabinet on Nov. 5, and just opened my heart up with the deep truth it speaks on. I am in need of this message often, this side of heaven.

"I am sure we all have experienced those moments when the sum of all our life's failures, shattered dreams, sorrows and insecurities (basically all that has been the result of our sinful nature and the consequence of others' sinfulness in our lives) seems to find its way from behind the walls of time, busyness, relationships and good deeds-places where we thought they could be kept from our view-and God's.

What a pity to His heart, I am sure. How he must grieve (if only heaven could open up to reveal the tears). Why do I imagine the Lord grieves? No, not merely over that which may be sin, though surely He hates sin. I imagine He grieves because of the human tendency to hide the broken pieces of our lives underneath beautifully made rugs when He actually wants to take those broken pieces and meticulously fashion them into a form that will give Him glory, and one which gives us joy.

Even as I write this article, I am conscious of my utter need for Him to give me the wisdom and love to choose each word. As a believer, and for all believers, this complete reliance on God is not foreign. It is the very state that the Lord created in us when we first entered into right relationship with Him through faith in His Son, Jesus.

At that moment of repentance, our hearts ultimately were screaming, "I am worthless without you. I see the wickedness that indwells me, and I know that it offends you, holy God. Even my best intentions are full of evil intention; I am so sinful that I deceive even myself. Inadequacy is my only state before you. And in light of all of this, I embrace your grace to save me."
How beautiful that moment was in God's sight. Never before had our broken souls looked that way to him: lovely (consider the repented thief on the cross, Luke 23: 40-43). This was not because God's view on sin had changed (It never shall!). The only change was that our broken frame had become adorned with the bloodstained garments of Christ, appeasing God's hatred of sin in our lives.

Remember that initial feeling of peace, Believers? Remember when your anxiety over your life's failures, shattered dreams, sorrows and insecurities melted because you knew that it was now Christ who was your righteousness, not the fumbled efforts of your broken soul (consider Paul, 1 Timothy 1: 12- 17)? As the Lord daily reminds me, I would like to remind you that you are no less needing of Him.

Isn't this a common trap: after we embrace the grace of God to save us, we suddenly look to our own efforts to keep him appeased. The only thing that we appease when we do this is our pride. And guess what-we are still broken and God still sees that. To be clear, once a person has accepted Jesus as their Lord and Savior (Romans 10:9) they have been given a new nature (that of Christ's) and are promised to be kept in this salvation for all eternity (see John 6: 39, 40).
The brokenness I am referring to is the daily struggles with sin, inadequacy and hurtful pasts, etc. we face as Christians (see Romans 7- how I thank God for Paul's openness!). And to that brokenness God says that he is the God of our salvation and of our sanctification (Philippians 2:12-13).

A person who daily sees their need for God to guide them in all that they do is a person that can please God. God is no more pleased with self-righteous hearts after becoming his child than he is with them in unsaved hearts.

When we remind ourselves of this convicting and comforting truth, the Christian race suddenly changes from a race of subconscious competition against other believers, from a race of doing enough good things in a day to appease that day's nagging guilt, from a race of trying to forget a hurting past with unforgettably spiritual moments to a race that has at its goal the glorification of God and has as the means toward that goal the step by step, stride by stride dependence on that glory-deserving God (see Colossians 1: 10- 14).

Only then can we truly love others (believers and nonbelievers). Only then can we truly grow more in love with God. As the Scripture says, "But he who has been forgiven little loves little" (Luke 7: 47b). And since we have been forgiven an immeasurable debt (sinning against a holy God which deserves Hell), how deep should be the fountain of our love?

For any person who may be reading this who has not been ultimately pieced back together by the Lord (entering into right relationship with the Father through Christ the Son; Romans 10:9), it may be surprising to you that the members of the Christian faith are merely those who were broken whom God has pieced back together through His Son. Perhaps you thought it was an elite club of perfect disciples (Lord, please forgive us for ever giving that impression).

I hope this surprise is a good one. I pray that it makes clearer God's unconditional love for you. I pray that it drives you with a repentant and grateful heart to plunge into the pool of grace waiting to wash you from your sins. Do not fear that you have too many sins, failures, shattered dreams, sorrows and insecurities to dive freely. God promises that not a drop of grace shall escape that blessed pool."

Thomas Kelly's book "A Testament of Devotion" Has some good insights into spiritual walk with God...He states:

“Is religion subjective? Nay, its soul is in objectivity, in an Other whose Life is our true life, whose Love is our love, whose Joy is our joy, whose Peace is our peace, whose burdens are our burdens, whose Will is our will. Self is emptied into God, and God in-fills it. In glad, amazed humility we cast ourselves upon Him our little lives in trusting obedience, in...serene, and smiling joy.”

“Growth in humility is a measure of our growth in the habit of the Godward-directed mind...Humility and holiness are twins in the astonishing birth of obedience in the heart of men. So God draws unworthy us, in loving tenderness, up into fellowship with His glorious self”.

Simplicity is emphasized as “tranquil in child-like trust listening ever to Eternity’s whisper, walking with a smile into the dark."

His book encourages Christians to not hesitate to start to "obey now" in even the smallest things as that will lead to a more comprehensive obedience in the long run.
Dependence on God is another thing which Kelly urges instead of much striving and self will.

It speaks of how men scurry around on earth while God is at work among men changing them and finding them where they reside pursuing them because of His “Shepherd’s heart”. Kelly states that the “chief actor is-the Eternal God of Love" . Kelly writes “God is the aggressor, God the seeker, God the stirrer into life, God the ground of our obedience, God the giver of the power to become children of God”.

“Holy obedience” is going all the way in obedience and listening completely to the voice of God in our lives, not only going half way in obedience.

Most Christians are content with going only half the way towards obedience. Kelly speaks of several examples of men and women who have been whole-hearted in their devotion and obedience and Kelly explains that this obedience flows from their passionate love of the God who had so gripped them and changed them. He advocates this kind of “holy obedience” obedience, which gives all to God joyfully. An obedience in which one constantly day and night prays “Thy will be done” and acts out of an “inner Principle of Virtue”.

Can't sleep tonight...to much electric energy is in the air.
I think its the rain outside, somehow it energizes me deep within...I am here alone in my room. Amelia, my loyal and very sweet roomie, is sleeping out under the dorm porch tonight listening to the rain which she also loves, in order to raise money for a girl on our floor who is undergoing expensive cancer treatments. (Jen~ pray for her if you get a chance~ she is a neat Christian girl, she is coming back to Geneva next semester Lord willing)

Amelia, Crystal and I finally had a night to pray a little together tonight. We wanted to do so for the girls on our floor, what God wants to do with us this summer, and what our hearts desires were...Does God mean for us to pursue those this summer? That would mean Ameila would go to Japan and work there for the summer. Go Amelia, I think she should go for it. God does call us to do so-called "crazy things" and so many have hinted this to her. May she hear her Savior's voice.

What would it mean for me? I am not sure. At least not yet. I am asking God to make it clear. I know what i want to do. I want to grow closer to Christ, not in a trite superficial way. I want to grow so much closer to Him that my heart is in tune with His, my eyes tear when His do, my heart yearns for what His heart yearns for. That is what I want my summer to be about. Discovery of Him. Last summer I was sad that I did not grow more. I did some just way not enough! I think I was too distracted, and that is not a fair excuse either. This summer I am having faith that God is going to do amazing things in people's hearts, because He promises to answer prayers that are according to His will. And sanctification is God's will for us! So glad! SO I NEED TO ASK alot more for this...ask thats it just ask..

We were also talking about dangerous prayers...i.e. the only good ones are dangerous ones we know, ones that don't let a person live in the same old status quo...they never let you...good prayers don't! They say: you need work, lots of work and God knows the best for us...His disicipline we must never despise!

Natalie and Amelia were talking at lunch about God's discipline, how its not all about spankings and time outs, how it is also God telling his lil ones "you know you need to wait to eat that cookie till after dinner, or you will ruin your appetite, lil one!" It is like God's discipline is the gentle and sometimes more starkly insistent "this is the best, wake up :~) Believe Me I know!" hehe? Why oh why oh why...do I ever question Him??? My lil brain sometimes just dosn't get it.

Dr. Smith told the class "you can shake your head at God, but never your fists." He is right, I need to read the Psalms a lil more right now...in preparation for the next God and me question session. I need to get it right this time, get it Biblical and humble like the Psalmists at the end of their Psalms in which they are just awestruck at God. That needs to be me.

I need to learn to be so satisfied in Him that my experience of joy is not based upon any earthly circumstance or motion or state of being..."I have learned to be content" said Paul, Ok God that def. was a process I see, Paul "learned to be". Well that is a dangerous prayer, cause how can I learn without the oppor. Well I know You only have the best in mind. If only I did. But Your working on that!

Here Ill plant one of my fav. quotes...and prayers....may it find fertile soil to grow and bear beautiful fruit!

How sweet all at once it was for me to be rid of those fruitless joys which I had once feared to lose….You drove them from me, You who are the True Sovereign Joy. You drove them from me and took their place…O LORD my God, my Light, my Wealth and my Salvation.
-Augustine-

The rain has quieted down a bit, I think its enough of a lull to be able to drift of now.
Yawn... ;~)

When I was little girl and would spend several days at my grandparents house on a farm in Ohio I had full freedom to enjoy the entire range of anywhere and everywhere of the hundreds of acres that stretched accross, the old family homestead. I remember being so excited about going to "the farm" as it was always referred to endearingly, that I would literally be shaking with raw energy and during the last part of the hour drive to "the farm". I loved the smell of the country air, the rolling hills, the huge barn with tons of hiding places, the kittens in the spring, the cows, the straw, the combine, the tractors, the strange bugs to look for, the garden to pick strawberries, tomatos and zenias, the spiders, the creek with "slerms", water crawlers, frogs and fish, deer and ticks: oh yes lots of "tick checks" after a day of galavanting out in the woods! I loved just wandering around the landscape, sitting under the apple tree dreaming about the next adventure. I loved to pretend I lived in the forest, as a forest fairy, I pretended I belonged to the woods. The canopy of trees the feeling of lostness deep out in the woods. Running as fast as I could to get back for some dinner in the evening. Never being asked "where have you been??" Always welcomed back with a soft and sweet "here you are honey!" Big arms outstretching to hug me. Country life, couldn't have been sweeter for me those summers when I was free as a bird to run and explore and just soak it all in. ;~)

I remember sitting out on the huge porch termed "davenport" as my Grandparents always called it on the porch swing feet slowly swinging next to my grandma who would tell me stories about growing up milking cows every morning before school and living in an age unfamiliar to me. As we watched thunderstorms roll in on those hot thickly humid summer evenings. My brother and I would wait eagerly for a lull in the storm so that I could slip of my shoes and run out with my brother and let my toes ooze in the gushy mud. Oh it was wonderful feeling ya know all the mud between the toes! :) Then the water would start falling again and I would lift up my eyes and let it stream down my hands and face, I loved being painted by the rain. Consumed by its drenching downpours. It was so relaxing and joyful.

Waking up those summer morinings at the earliest faint outline of dawn, looking out to see the sun rising over the slowly emerging hills was amazing to me as well. I loved those quiet mornings watching the sun strech out over the horizon. The room would be cold, but I would stetch myself to slip out of my bed silently hoping not to wake my brother and quietly crawl into my grandma's bed and snuggle with her. She would move over an inch for my little body to climb in and then she would put her arm around me and I would just sleep stay there comforted by her warm presence and love. Then we would walk downstairs to have breakfast, something that was unusual and special...ya know grandma house food, the kind you rarely get at home.

Those days were so unique, they were so different from living at home in Columbus where life is so suburban and big. The country is so vast, enviting, breathtaking. I have decided though that I think that living out in the country might get a lil lonely unless I lived with alot of other people. Because the wide open space just whips through my soul like wind and leaves me a lil hollow feeling unless I am surrounded by my loved ones voices and faces. I must admit while I love my times of solitude I need people's fellowship, more than I think I will ever fully know. "It is not good for man to be alone" God is right. We need eachother. So the country is wonderful, but may it be inhabited with warm friendships and love, that is truly wonderful. :)

"The earth is the Lord's and all that inhabit it, for He founded it upon the waters and laid its foundation vast."

These short quotes captures what my quest is here on earth...

"There is only one relationship that matters, and that is your personal relationship to a personal Redeemer and Lord. Let everything else go and maintain that at all costs and God will fulfill His purposes through your life."
"A backslider has forsaken God and taken up with something else."

~Oswald Chambers (Utmost) Luke 14:11

Three years ago on a dark and rainy fall evening I drove to my pastors house and sat in the dining room talking to my pastor about something weighing heavily on my soul...my heart. I sat there in distress, hearing the clatter of pots and pans as his wife prepared their dinner, sharing how my heart was full of darkness and I did not feel the fellowship of Christ within me.
"My heart what is wrong with my heart?" I agonized. My wise pastor gave me a kind yet painfully truthful and knowing glance and said "your heart is worse than you will ever know."

He told me to look away from myself and rather to Christ.

At the time I was a little surprised at the advice that "your heart is worse than your ever know." I was like that dosn't sound encouraging. But believe me my pastor was right and later the encouragement poured down like refreshing rain.

This is what I needed to hear. God did come in a powerful way a few months later and revealed Himself to my heart and bound up my broken heart and changed me alot through the process.

Because of the experiences seeing my heart more, I know somewhat more about what my pastor was explaining. The more I have experienced my heart. The more I have been taught this truth. The illuminating Holy Spirit is exceptionally good at showing this to people. ~One word of advice about this: don't ask to see very much of your heart or you might regret that request it might send you reeling like Isaiah in God's presence! Ask to see just enough to be kept humble and dependant on God.

I have seen enough of my heart now, to know that in my natural nature "no good thing dwells" but by the powerful working of God within me God is making me renewed into the image of Christ. ~Jeremiah 17:9 The heart is more deceitful than all else And is desperately sick; Who can understand it?"

So when I get a peek at my heart's sinful nature, I am reminded again of the humbling fact that I am a work in progress. In great need of the One who alone makes me worthy to stand before God: Jesus Christ, the Lion of the Tribe of Judah, who bore my sins on the cursed cross so that I would no longer bear God's righteous wrath against the heinousness of sin.

The horridness of sin...is that it is the ultimate evil: rebellion against God: the ultimate good. How warped mankind has become since the fall, now we run after that which is garbage in reality. We are quite broken in our perceptions we do not see things as they really are.

We are in the "shadowlands" as C.S. Lewis termed it...awaiting the revelation of the beauty of the perfecting and recreating of all creation including all who have been hidden in the one and only Savior Jesus Christ whom all heaven and earth will bow down and worship eternally.

All praise be unto the Trinity for bringing about this great salvation for the evil humans have gotten themselves into!! What a beautiful plan! What an awesome God!

I was talking with a friend today, about how..why..would God die on a cross and bear the wrath due to us, for mere humans??? His love is just so humbling, so sublime, so real and yet so mind blowing. "What is man that you are mindful of him, the son of man that you should care for him?" We sang that in church this morning...it rang in my heart..."why God?" You are too wonderful to me, "Your thoughts of lovingkindness and mercy are too many towards me." It is too wonderful to understand or fully comprehend...that is what my we decided, my friend and I. We just thanked God and were silent.

Sometimes thats all we can do. "Be still and know that I Am God".
I need that, alot, more than I will understand fully this side of heaven.

Another thing that hit me today is that I can have tea with Jesus. Yes, I am not kidding I did actually today. If you are currently questioning my sanity, you need to read Matthew 25:38-40...it changes the way I enjoy fellowship with another believer every time I read it.

*read it* again* again* I am obsessed with its profundity.. :)

I love that section of Matthew, it is one of the verses that I have taken as a verse to hold always in my mind...never forget who I see on the streets sitting beside me, living next door. They are more than I assume so often they are Christ, we see Him in the orphan's eyes and in our sisters tears our brothers troubles.

I often ask myself how differently I would view life, if I stared back from heaven's point of view, with sanctified eyes and a perfect heart...what would I do differently? How would I live? We know the answer lies in the incarnation. Nothing more and nothing less. The standard is there: It has come, and dwelt among us...and the darkness did not comprehend it..."He was in the world, and the world was made through Him, and the world did not know Him." John 1:10

I am thankful for my pastors advice. It came from many, many more years of experiencing his own heart and the holiness of Christ's heart. It planted the seed that grew up to show me the truth that I can never trust my heart's instability and wandering nature, for righteousness. I can only place all my hope upon Christ for my righteousness and acceptance before God.

It also gives me great hope that when I do see more of my heart that I can know for sure that God, knew and knows full well what is there before the begining of time and still chose me to bear His image in eternity and to be changed from my brokenness into perfect beauty of holiness.

It means I do not need to fear God's rejection, I need only to step nearer to Him and be embraced folded into His arms and held close as He is my holiness the robe of His righteousness covers my need and He welcomes me with a rejoicing heart "as a father pities his children so does God pity those who fear Him!" And "He knows that we are but dust"!

God is so good to come to us and welcome us to Himself...we could not have a greater blessing than belonging to Him, being engraved upon His hands!

I took a few college classes at a community college to get my feet wet on the college scene and get some college core requirements out of the way before I headed to Geneva. The third quarter there I decided to take a speech class with a friend. When I went to the first class I was shocked at the language and way the professor talked and acted...very disrespectful to God etc. (yet, what should I expect from those who don't know God). God just put it on my heart that I wanted this class to be worth something eternal...like I just wanted to share a lil at least about the hope within me.

Just so you know I was in the class with 2 other Christian guys so I was not alone in this desire. Well, anyways, we just prayed about it and it stayed in the back of our minds the entire time...speeches came and speeches went...people knew I was a Christian, and I was not popular because of it, in fact a few girls made fun of what I stood for, (I stood for the things very quietly, as that tends to be my way of reacting to stuff~but they did not like who I served)

Another part of this story is that this summer and fall I had been going through one of the hardest parts of my life, my parents were gone much of the time in Virginia for work and I was going through alot of pain and sadness in my heart because of heart and spiritual issues. God was refining me and changing our relationship~deepening it I see now, but at the time, God seemed so far away from me, I was fearful that God had forsaken me. But, God had not~ I was relying too much on feelings at the time and too much on myself, my ability rather than Christ...another fragment of my life to share another time.
I digress...onto the rest of the story...

Well the last speech of the class was an impromtu speech in which we each went up and picked out of a jar two little slips of paper with subjects to do an impromtu speech on...I was the last person to go up and pick my slips, right after my friend Charley who had picked one in which he was able to talk a little about spiritual issues in a unique way...God's providence again!
Anyways, I went up to pick out a slip when I noticed that there was only one left. I picked it up, read it and did a double take~rejoicing at how God had answered my prayer!!!

The slip said "Are you going to Heaven or Hell and why are you going there?"

I was amazed that I could share how I knew that I had eternal life becuase of Christ's death. It was amazing, God just gave me such knowledge of His hand, presence and providence...it was amazing!

So I would just like to encourage everyone to pray and ask God for all kinds of God-glorifying things in their lives~cause God will answer! In amazing ways!!! I have other stories of how God opened up opportunities in 4 different classes to talk about an issue I care alot about that I never expected to be able to give talks on! So ask seek and knock, God will use you -just be willing and God will make you ready! :)

Thanks for reading this long post! Hope it encourages you to seek God to open up all kinds of cool opportunities for the Gospel to be shared!

1. The sound of Music! Both the musical and music in general
2. Good theater productions
3. Speech class~I know thats wierd, but its true :)
3. Exercise, esp biking on nature trials ~ it just clears the mind!
4. Getting an A on a paper
5. Being done with a semester! Woohoo! Sometimes it makes me a lil sad though too..I miss some of it!
6. Augustine and John Eldredge~Awesome writers!
7. The Hiding Place ~ Corrie Ten Boom's book and the movie also.
8. hugs from my friends!
9. smiles and encouraging comments from friends and blogfam!
10. Getting IMed for the first time by someone new! I love getting to know people...finding out their uniqueness and the image of God in them.
11. Babies, toddlers and kids and adults too~ the things they say! Wow~its awesome most of the time, but not always! :)
12. dark chocolate ~what can I say?
13. computers and blogging (who knew?)...what can I say but that it offers a "whole new world" at your fingertips! So much to learn, hear, do and see!
14. Growing in Christ~There's nothing better than this! It's all Him for sure and I know for sure that when I get to heaven~ I will proclaim that I did not get there by my own strength, but rather by the strength of the One who called me by name out of my futile way of life into His arms and His gift of abundant life in Christ! :)

So can you think of a few of your fav. things? Blog em if you like...I'd love to read about them!

Look for perfection in God alone, never in humans. Thinking about this reminds me to fear God alone and not people and their conceptions.

When my life is following the command to fear God rather than man, it is simplified so that I can strive to live in joyful abandonment to God rather than wondering and being consuemd by human oppinion...I have talked to so many friends who along with myself who at times stuggle with this. It is a trap the enemy of our souls sometimes lays for us. God however has been working on me alot in this area helping me see, and experience in my heart the truth that I am to be daily living for only One~for the glory of His name *alone*. His name must be magnified by my actions.

~He must become greater, I must become lesser. That is my joy when the Spirit of God and Holiness keeps that as my heart's focus!

When one is in a right relationship with God, one's relationship with people will be right as well. As Jesus says these are the greatest commandments "Love God with all your heart, soul mind and strength and your neighbor as yourself." When we love God truly we will love His creatures as well, esp. God's children, our brothers and sisters in our Savior...this is a test of true discipleship! The test of love, not perfection, we are awaiting that eagerly though!

Praise God~ for living within us and changing us into His glorious and perfect image, may we fear Him alone!

I was tagged by Maurice so I have to answer 5 or more of these questions...If I tag you would you mind also answering five or more of the questions? Thanks! If not then thats ok. Here we go: The "questions" are:

If I could be a scientist...If I could be a farmer...If I could be a musician...If I could be a doctor...If I could be a painter...If I could be a gardener...If I could be a missionary...If I could be a chef...If I could be an architect...If I could be a linguist...If I could be a psychologist...If I could be a librarian...If I could be an athlete...If I could be a lawyer...If I could be an inn-keeper...If I could be a professor...If I could be a writer...If I could be a llama-rider...If I could be a bonnie pirate...If I could be an astronaut...If I could be a world famous blogger...If I could be a justice on any one court in the world...If I could be married to any current famous political figure...

If I could be an innkeeper: I would have an inn in Denmark (on second thought maybe not in Denmark~ Somewhere where it is absolutely beautiful :) where people could come and stay for a few weeks and enjoy the beautiful scenery and be able to bike or horseback ride across the country. I would get up in the morning and make a homemade breakfast for the guests and they could go outside and enjoy the beauty. There would be forest trails to hike and secluded places to sit and enjoy the beauty of God's creation. I would decorate the inn beautifully and there would be fresh cut flowers and relaxing colors all over the house. It would be a haven for people who need to be refreshed. I would listen to people's life stories and share my life also.

If I could be a professor: I would teach Humanities at a community or liberal arts college. I loved my humanities classes and learned alot from them about civilizations and cultures. I think that the field is fascinating as it deals with art, music, language, history, religion, politics, society and literature. I would be an interesting professor who would not put people to sleep in lectures. Rather I would try to help the students understand what influences a particular society.

If I could be an artist: I would paint people and landscapes like forests in a realistic fashion for children’s books. I love reading and looking at the pictures in good children’s literature! :)

If I could be a scientist: I would study biology and bioethics and try to teach people/students about the complexity and beauty of human life and how it is so intricate and perfectly designed: "irreducibly complex" (Michael Behe "Darwin's Black Box").

If I could be a linguist: I would study a language in New Guinea where there are hundreds of languages that do not have a Bible translated into their language...I would work at translating a Bible into their language and teaching them about the Bible.

A side note~ Maurice is so right as every disciple of Christ is a missionary with the best news ever wherever they go!

Ok I tag: Lemeedahkayeem, Mustang Girl and tbqelite!

One short taste of God's sweet goodness and all else compared to Him turns bitter.

Love that consumes yet fills the heart with more than ever imagined: You are WONDERFUL, too wonderful for expression. One must experience Your goodness to understand fully it's power.

I am just amazed that I have been given the awesome privilege to be God's friend, one with whom He spends time and loves so dearly...He died for. Ok, it just has a been really hitting me hard today, and it is wonderful. I can't think of a better thing to be thinking about other than that GOD IS SO WONDERFUL!

I woke up this morning and looked at my roommate groggily waking up on the otherside of the room, I was just STRUCK with amazement saying to myself~how amazingly complex Amelia is~just look at her~she didn't just appear out of scum~! God took a good long time on her!!
That just made me want to praise God for His awsome power and goodness shown in creation!

Later that afternoon Christ was on my mind~His relationship to me....I totally do not deserve the attention He has and gives to me! Like wow, I could cry just blogging about it~ It totally struck me~He comes to me?? Wow! That is awesome stuff. Something that I cannot simply deny! I was thinking about this today too, how I cannot deny or forget what Christ has done in my life and heart...Like I can honestly say, that I am not the same as I was several years ago before God brought me close to Himself and I came to know Him in a personal way. My heart thought and acted differently..I had a different nature and I thought different things, now my nature truly is changed! Now that I know what the fellowship of the Holy Spirit is and what the peace, love and joy of the Holy Spirit is also! It is indescribable as all my Christian friends relate! Tears of joy are often the only way I can pour out a drop of the love God pours in my heart. I can no longer live the way I lived before, trying to please myself with vainity, now my heart seeks something deeper and more joyful, the presence of Christ in whom is fullness of joy!

I am so reminded each day of how this journey was begun by God and is done each day in God's strength and not my own, although I do strive, it is by the mystical power of the Holy Spirit living and working within me...in ways I cannot always see but one can see the effects of the Spirit. I just see Him working and inspiring things in me and fellow Christians that breathe of God's essence which is a deep love of purity and holiness, a love for that which is whole and beautiful, the way God intended originally.

The fellowship and friendship of God the Trinity is so beyond my wildest imagination...I remember when I first had assurance of my salvation, it was rapture to my heart to realize that God had purchased me from the hand of my enemy and slavemaster, so that I might praise His name forever and glory in Him! It was so amazing, I have to keep going back and in wonder praising the God who continues to work in my heart~transforming it and making it whole and holy. I rejoice with my fellow brothers and sisters in Christ who have been made new by Christ. My deep desire is that MANY more would come to know Christ's love, freedom and abounding life giving grace in their lives! Oh Holy Spirit, do Your work! Awaken souls to know you! To have a new will that loves You! May many awake to new life and the beautiful new nature of glory eternal.

Tonight as I sit here I'm thinking about how easily we missjudge eachother and in doing so fail to love. I can so easily misunderstand people and misread people. I see it all over at college. It is so sad that we can not as Christians esp. learn to have compassion for all people and look on people as (Matthew 25:31) incarnations of Christ whom we are called to serve and love. By so doing, we are loving Christ! Wow! It is actually serving Christ when I serve the girl down the hall who dosen't seem to like me?...YES IT IS!

Last night another verse came to mind~ Jesus says "If you love Me, you will obey My commandments" ~well it was a good reminder to me to focus on showing my love to Christ through showing love to people! Jesus also said ~it is easy to love those who love you~try loving your enemies...well Jesus, You know my enemies are more subtle than others, they tend to show up in facial expressions and silence...but nonetheless, those are the ones I am called to actively LOVE. So ~I will just ask for the strength to love Christ and do this...wonderful thing...Christ did so perfectly for each of His children!!

"For if while we were enemies we were reconciled to God through the death of His Son, much more, having been reconciled, we shall be saved by His life. And not only this, but we also exult in God through our Lord Jesus Christ, through whom we have now recieved reconciliation."
~Romans 5:10-11

I am learning...

to give my dreams to my Savior. Knowing that He knows them better than I.

to be thankful for the burdens that bring me to God in prayer.

to not trust my feelings, but rather the One who made me.

to know that my friends and family will let me down...But God never will.

that I have no idea what is going to happen tomorrow and that is a good thing!

that God is the only good thing that I can never have too much of!

that God's essence is a beautiful mystery I can never fully understand.

to greatly appreciate the fatherly discipline I recieve from God, it is a token of true love!

that missions trips can stretch you far beyond your expectations!

that the world is a fierce yet beautiful place. "Nature is God's theater"~Calvin

there is an endless amount of things I am in the process of learning from now and into eternity!

I am in the school of Christ and the learning will never end until the day eternitys ends.

My car is sick! :( (very from my currently limited point of view) My dear lil' Goldi was diagnosed by my roommate and good friend, dun dun dun: Amelia. (we will be in eachothers weddings: and no, we are not engaged :) Anyways back to the story: I told her about what the car did when I put the keys in and turned them etc. and she figured ok, "Engine won't start...must be the starter...as the batteries not dead, cause the cd player starts."

This is the clincher...my roommate was happy about the fact that my car was sick! Yes, she admitted that she loves it when mechanical problems occur because she then gets a chance to fix them being the amazing mechanical engineering student she is. Haha, needless to say I did not share her enthusiasm for sick cars, esp. my own!! No I surely did not, but I was and am thankful she likes to fix things!!

Yes, she is not your typical girl as she brought her newest present back over winter break saying "Now I can fix anything you break!" as she walked in carrying her new sleek black toolbox filled with "who knows what" objects called "tools" by people like mechanical engineering roomies, a.k.a. Ameila...usually girls aren't into the tool thing, but there are exceptionalities! Engineering females are those rare types who gain delight out of fixing malfunctioning things...and take 8 hour long tests to boot (that was Saturday's FE exam) Poor engineering juniors had to suffer through an 8 hour test!!

So now Amelia is going to ask all her engineering friends tonight about this mechanical problem, to see if they can all figure it out...we will see, my dad is in Germany for the week so he certainly can't drive up to take a look. At least Amelia's happy about the situation, cause I am not particularly happy about it at all. ;) God is working on me though...I know it all happend for a reason...maybe I am supposed to be patient and wait..to fill up with gas, I am not going to be going anywhere for a while anyways!

Amelia never fails to make me smile...we are both quite unusual roommates, our room is covered in Japanese decorations and has nori and green tea sodas lying around...Amelia's passion is reaching Japan for Christ...she even speaks Japanese. While, my half of the room has posters of seaside German landscapes and oceans, Monets and Renoirs. And a picture of my house bunny Patrick (he is no longer, sniff~he was an awesome lil' rabbit) and a bookcase overflowing with books, I don't make time to read enough of...I pay for them, why don't I READ THEM? hmm maybe this summer this dilemna will be solved a little bit more..I doubt it though I will have a job and a social life to boot hopefully.

The other day I took a picture of Amelia brushing her teeth at 1 am the other day just because we always have our best conversations around that time of night and I knew that I would probably cry looking back on those "old" days when I look at that picture! It will bring back so many memories! I can't believe that we both will be seniors next year. What lies beyond this? ADVENTURE! And only God knows fully what that entails...we are in His hands...What a wonderful place to be! :) I am thankful for His leading and guiding and protection at all times!

Saturday I was unusually extra homesick for my church family back home. Little did I know that Sunday morning my good friend Tina from Columbus was coming out to visit me with my mom! :) It was such a fun surprise. It just kinda was ironic that it happend right after I was so homesick for my church family! :) God is cool like that just surprising us with things we never expect. I should mark those things in my mind and heart indelibly as just another personal love note from God's hands! He is soo good.

Has anyone read Brother Lawrences "The Practice of the Presence of God"? It is VERY good little book. :) It will change the way you see your day and every moment...

God did not give us a spirit of timidity, but a spirit of
power, of love, and of self-discipline.
--2 Timothy 1:7

Dear children, let us not love with words or tongue but with
actions and in truth.
--1 John 3:18

Whom have I in heaven but you? And earth has nothing I desire
besides you. My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the
strength of my heart and my portion forever.
--Psalm 73:25-26

He knows the way that I take; when he has tested me, I will
come forth as gold. My feet have closely followed his steps; I
have kept to his way without turning aside.
--Job 23:10-11

My thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my
ways," declares the Lord. "As the heavens are higher than the
earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts
than your thoughts.
--Isaiah 55:8-9

Have not I commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be
terrified; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be
with you wherever you go.
--Joshua 1:9

These commandments that I give you today are to be upon your
hearts. Impress them on your children. Talk about them when
you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie
down and when you get up.
--Deuternomy 6:7

What can I say? It is too true to deny that when I grasp for something and do so with a desire or rather demand...I am answered by that which I so ardently desire moving itself farther away from my reach staring back at me with contempt.

Is it a law of nature, or of GOD who desires that I not dash myself upon my desires
fulfillment.

I must continually ask God to give me RIGHT desires...desires that mirror His desires.

The Bible is filled with them...

Note to self...don't desire anything under God Himself, so much that you spend your heart on it. Anything under God is not worth my heart's full attention and focus.

When my heart is fully satisfied in God, then my heart is enabled to rightly interact with people. When insatiable desires remains and moves in my heart, I must reject its impulses! Going straight to God in order for Him to set my straying heart right.

Click on "Time" listen and ask God to reveal Himself to Sarah. Kat and I are praying for artists we enjoy...it would be great if alot more people prayed for the singers they listen to :) Alot of artists songs reveal their hurts and scars. We have a unique opportunity to minister to them through petitioning God to show Himself to them and open their eyes to His beauty.
He changed our heart....may we pray that He will change many more!
<><

"I repent"
By Derek Webb

i repent, i repent of my pursuit of america's dream
i repent, i repent of living like i deserve anything
of my house, my fence, my kids, my wife
in our suburb where we're safe and white
i am wrong and of these things i repent

i repent, i repent of parading my liberty
i repent. i repent of paying for what i get for free
and for the way i believe that i am living right
by trading sins for others that are easier to hide
i am wrong and of these things i repent

i repent judging by a law that even i can't keep
of wearing righteousness like a disguise
to see through the planks in my own eyes

i repent, i repent of trading truth for false unity
i repent, i repent of confusing peace and idolatry
by caring more of what they think than what i know of what we need
by domesticating you until you look just like me
i am wrong and of these things i repent

This song just captures what I often taken for granted as an often unaware partaker of the American-Christian sub-culture. I somehow need to realize that I do not simply have a right to the so-called "Christian-or otherwise American dream" (might be closer to the "American myth"). In fact it might not even be God's best for us..shocking; what a revelation? God might tell me to live, where shootings, drugs and prostitution are "normal". Maybe, just maybe, this is the place Jesus calls us to be a light to?

Jeremy Camp "Carried Me: The Worship Project"

Jesus you have carried me
When I could not stand
Jesus you have carried me
It's all been part of your plan

Jesus you have carried me
It's your footprints in the sand
Jesus you have carried me
I was always in your hands

Ways To Maintain A Healthy Level of Insanity – from a blogsite from the Philippines.

-At Lunch Time, Sit In Your Parked Car With Sunglasses on and point a Hair Dryer At Passing Cars. See If They Slow Down.

-Page Yourself Over The Intercom. Don't Disguise Your Voice.

-Every Time Someone Asks You To Do Something, Ask If They Want Fries with That.

- When The Money Comes Out Of The ATM, Scream "I Won!, I Won!"

-Put Your Garbage Can On Your Desk And Label It "In."

-Put Decaf In The Coffee Maker For 3 Weeks. Once Everyone Has Gotten Over Their Caffeine Addictions, Switch To Espresso.

-Dont use any punctuation

-As Often As Possible, Skip Rather Than Walk.

-Specify That Your Drive-through Order Is "To Go."

-Sing Along At The Opera.

-Go To A Poetry Recital And Ask Why The Poems Don't Rhyme.

-Put Mosquito Netting Around Your Work Area And Play Tropical Sounds Al Day.

-Five Days In Advance, Tell Your Friends You Can't Attend Their Party Because You're Not In The Mood.

- When Leaving The Zoo, Start Running Towards The Parking Lot, Yelling Run For Your Lives, They're Loose!!"

-Tell Your Children Over Dinner, "You Are So Wild, Therefore We Are Are Going To Have To Let One Of You Go To Live in the Zoo."

**And The Final Way To Keep A Healthy Level Of Insanity.......
Send This Message To Someone To Make Them Smile...It's Called Therapy...

I laughed so hard when I read this list! It was a late night and I was worn out from working on a paper so it was to have an interlude of levity. I found this list on a fellow college student's blog his name is "street Philosopher" and you can find a link to his site somewhere in one of the comments he left. He got the sayings from a message board at gamesfaqs.com

~I have never done these things, yet some of the ideas are so funny they are tempting (as a joke of course)...I must admit! My professors are very fun-loving, well most of them are...but most of these I would never try!!!

The first one I made up~ someday I would like to try it!

[This must be done mid or late in the semester to be effective] Arrive to class early before any other students arrive and sit in a completely different seat. Then inform every student who comes in to sit on a completely different seat on the otherside of the room. By the time the professor comes the entire room will be scrambled.

When your professor gives you a syllabus, take it home, correct it, give it a grade, and return it to the professor. Demand extra credit.

Bring a small cactus to class with you. Raise your hand, and when you're called on, say that the cactus has a question. Turn and look at the cactus, as if you're waiting for it to say something. After a few moments, shrug, and wait for your professor to move on. Do this once a day, and become increasingly irritated with the cactus every time, sighing heavily and giving it evil looks when it fails to "speak." When you leave the room after class, start yelling at the cactus, "I can't believe you embarrassed me AGAIN...."

Bring a vacuum to class. Halfway through class, stand up and start using it. If your professor objects, explain that you "can't stand sitting in this pigsty any longer." Keep vacuuming, grumbling angrily.

Brush your teeth during class. While doing so, raise your hand as if you have a question, and mumble your question incoherently while brushing, spewing toothpaste all over the place. If your professor objects to your actions, go on a tirade about proper oral hygiene.

Carve a bust of your professor out of cheese. Tie a ribbon around it, and present it to him/her at the beginning of class. Demand extra credit.

Come to class every day wearing scary Halloween masks. Try to get your professor to guess who you are. Shoot him/her with a water pistol, scream, and run around the room knocking things over. Say, "Pretty scary, huh?"

Dispute everything your professor says, no matter how simple. Try to get him/her to "prove" everything to you. Rant and rave about what a big liar your professor is. Yell at students who are taking notes, saying, "Stop writing down all these lies!" Say if you are in a history class "were you there? How do you know then?!"

Draw hearts and flowers on the backs of your papers and tests. Next to them, write things like, "You're the best, even though you stink" and "You're the worst professor in the world, but I still love you."

Tell your professor that you've hired the monkey to take notes for you. Sit back and relax during class, letting the monkey scribble on a piece of paper. When it comes time to write a paper or take a test, write down things like, "I wish I had a banana" and "I miss my tire swing." Assuming you get a bad grade, angrily fire the monkey in front of your professor.

Get the whole class to show up a few minutes early, and throw a surprise party for your professor. Insist that you can't start class until he/she has a piece of cake.

Hide somewhere inside the classroom. Wait for your professor to take attendance. Don't come out when he/she calls your name. Halfway through class, jump out and yell, "Just kidding! I'm here! Fooled you again!" Sit down and be quiet for the rest of class.

If you have an early morning class, get there before anyone else, and bring a pillow, some blankets, an air mattress, and an alarm clock. Wear your pajamas. Lie down on the air mattress with the pillow and the blankets and act like you're asleep. Have the alarm set for about two minutes into class. When it goes off, preferably very loudly, hit the "snooze" button and go back to sleep. Keep doing so for the duration of the class.

Instead of taking notes, do an abstract painting during every class. Call the paintings things like, "Professor Acting Fake and Bizarre" or "The Look of Weirdness." Give the paintings to your professor as gifts.

Keep "accidentally" setting fires at your desk. Burn notebooks, papers, or whatever you have handy. Whenever you start a fire, no matter how small it is, start yelling, "Fire! Fire!" and run out of the room in a panic. Don't return for the rest of class.

Show up to class about ten minutes late. Ride into the room on a bicycle, yell, "Look out!" and crash into the blackboard. Get up, take a seat, and act like nothing happened. Do this every day.

Sit way at the back of the room, up against the wall, to get as far away from your professor as possible. While he/she is lecturing, shout out things like, "What!?" and "Speak up! You're mumbling!" If your professor advises you to sit closer to the front, tell him/her you can't because you're scouting the room for "assassins."

Start asking questions in a fake foreign language. Act like your professor is stupid for not being able to understand you. Get other people in the class to start speaking the fake language too, and have frequent discussions during class. Act like you're really interested in what you're discussing. If your professor tries to interrupt or stop you, act annoyed and motion for him/her to quiet down.

Wait for your professor to mention a date, and then yell out, "Bingo!" Apologize, and explain that you got confused.

When you have to write a paper, get it done early and mail it to your professor's house. From then on, don't hand anything in, and blame it on the sluggishness of the U.S. Postal Service.


Wrap yourself in bandages and come to class in a wheelchair. Throughout class, cry a lot and moan things like, "Why me?" and "Please kill me!" Get up during class, like your going to miraculously start walking. Instead, fall down, cry out in pain, and wait for someone to help you back up. When class is over say, "I feel better now," leap up, and run home.

Write down everything that your professor says, word for word. Think up a melody, and turn the words into a song. Bring a guitar to class and perform the song for the class. Explain to your professor that he/she is "very inspiring."

Write your professor a note that says, "I'm going to be about 15 minutes late. Go ahead and start without me." Wait outside the building until the time when class is supposed to begin. Tie the note to a rock, and throw it through the window.

My friend Rosey wrote about what life is like somedays...They really resonated with me, as life isn't all happy all the time. Life is filled with wondering, rejection, pain and distractions, they should all call us on to search for what is better: something we were made for that will satisfy our hearts, something that is not here on earth, but which we await eagerly...here are Rosey's thoughts...

Focus. But so distracted. Pain, hurt, rejection. But smile, joy, comfort. If only we could, but it seems we can't... Why? Remind me, cuz I seem to disremember... God, remind me; my tunnel vision is getting in the way. All I see is black.

Focus, refocus. Looking upward and straight ahead at the same time. Sometimes even looking back. Sometimes looking back is good, other times all you do is stumble. You can't walk forward when you're looking back. You might fall that way.

My eyes are crossed; my heart aches; my mind is confused. Make sense. Make sense soon.

A moment of self-expression, for the voices inside my head.
~Saturday, April 09, 2005

How so often I can get so confused trying to figure everything out in my life, so often I need to step back and take a big breath of the freshness of God's word allowing it to change and teach my heart wisdom and peace.

I need to marinate in God's Word for extended amounts of time...until it starts pouring out of me like streams of living water! I am learning that when my hearts crying for peace and meaning I need to go back to the Word which applies God's healing.

This is an article by a friend and was published in our school newspaper. It is so thought provoking and deep. I appreciate the way the author lives and hown he shows alot of care for those around him. He is graduating this year! Were all going to miss having around.

Published in the Cabinet on April 12,05
By Eric Peay

If sin reeks in God's nostrils, then I am sure that He is disgusted at the fog of triviality in Christianity. I have come to notice a dangerous mood among those who claim union with Christ, which I have termed the "Seinfeld-mindset." Like the popular television show, many people's daily lives have been reduced to mundane conversation and the pursuit of trivial pleasures.

Such conversation and pursuit may not be sinful in itself, but the fact that God is removed from the throne of the heart makes these dangerous sins indeed. These sins are so subtle until they are grossly commonplace. Think about it. How many times have you sat down with friends at meal times and talked about every foolish, silly subject and not once mentioned the glory of God? I am guilty of it. Not every conversation needs to mirror the words to "Sinners in the Hands of an Angry God," but neither should every conversation mirror a scene from any of the many "WB" teen drama/comedy shows (how do they talk so fast on Gilmore Girls anyway?).

I've often wondered whether it is easier to be a Christian in America or in a country where the beloved are suffering persecution. As a Christian in America, I have grown to feel that I would rather know that the greatest challenge to my faith is a gun to my head than a remote control at my fingertips (and other luxuries, all having the potential to dull the passion for God).

"Eat, drink, and be merry, for tomorrow we 'church'" has become the silent chant of many hearts. Consider this passage from an article by John Piper concerning how a Christian should prepare for worship service: "It astonishes me how many Christians watch the same banal, empty, silly, trivial, titillating, suggestive, immodest TV shows that most unbelievers watch. This makes us small and weak and worldly and inauthentic in worship. Instead, turn off the television on Saturday night and read something true and great and beautiful and pure and honorable and excellent and worthy of praise (Philippians 4:8). Your heart will unshrivel and be able to feel greatness again" (from "Desiring God").

I do not believe that watching television is wrong (but when a show is contrary to God's law and nature it is wrong). However, I do wish tears came easier, because this is a situation worthy of them. When we allow our passion to be based on anything other than seeing God glorified, we limit our understanding and experience of His love. In light of that, how can we share His love to others?

Be rid of the feeling that overwhelms you (or that you suppress) when you go to bed for the night, echoing that you've wasted your life with nothingness during the day. Surround yourself with people and things (e.g., sermons, music) that will daily remind you of the short time that you have to make a difference for eternity. Truly live.

~It's me again~I have been thinking about this idea for years, so naturally, this article spoke to my heart! It reminded me of how often have I seen this scenario to play out in my heart. While it is not bad to laugh, have fun and talk about things other than our Creator and Savior, as all of life is God's, we must remember that this priviledge can be abused to our soul's detriment~that is what this article is about~ I think Eric is saying that we as Christians are to no longer be conformed to THIS world standards and ways of life! We have been redeemed and set free from the bondage to our old ways of life...now we have an eternal perspective to think on!

Oh may we~ for now and eternity, have our hearts set on things that are better than on things that do not satisfy ultimately.

Pain, almost no one likes it. But it can do good things because it can cause us to run to God. It can in many cases drive us to God when in all other circumstances we would remain apart, smugly enjoying our ease. As C.S. Lewis said pain is "God's megaphone" shouting to us "wake up: somethings wrong!". In short, pain does 2 things it alerts us to danger, it shows us something is wrong and needs to be changed. We realize often through experiencing "heart" pain, (the kind that makes your whole mind and soul ache) That is when we realize that God is the only One who can answer that pain and heal us through conforming us to Christ's holiness.

Conviction hurts, often because it involves the realization that what we need is nothing less than essetially the tearing of of our old skin like Eustace in the Chronicles of Narnia when his dragon's skin is being clawed of by Aslan, that clawing of of the sinful gross mess of our rotting corpse of an old man which we must walk around chained to.

Oh thanks be to God that He is in the process of using this productive pain to tear of the old man and set us FREE! Free to do righteousness to live in His light to enjoy and delight in God to literally "love God and do what we want" (will be right if truly we love God!!) Oh how good this pain is in its end result, in fact we are when we do not have this painful renovating work of conviction and sanctification going on in our hearts and lives living in a worse kind of pain....the denial of pain and a delusion which if persisted in will end in worse pain and ultimate death.

God alone holds the key to healing and it resides in the painful work of tearing of the old man in its corrupt ways and desires and the process of being renewed in the mind.

I am being reminded of how important it is to truly agonize in prayer for the needs of our souls as well as for the needs of the people around us...there are so many needs. And it is the best gift one can give!

The word agonize reminds me of Jesus in the Garden before He was crucified. He agonized in prayer to His Father, "Not My will but Thine be done." Wow! When was the last time I prayed that in agony of soul for the will of God and the strength I need to obey it?

Not enough...that is what I am learning...there are so many things God is doing, yet I can remain oblivious because I am not "asking seeking and knocking in order to know God, HIs Son Christ my Savior and the power that is at work within me as His child.

I am also reminded of the fact that, that which does not cost me much [in sacrifice of time, ease etc.], usually is not very valuable, I should give my best time to prayer etc. Not remnants! So I need to allow these reminders to change me...so that I will not be as a person who looks in the mirror and then forgets what I look like, but rather may the Lord make me a "doer of the word, and not merely a listener!" ~James

I read Jeremiah 1 & 2 last night and was reminded of God and His relationship with His people. How God when His people stray must chasten and rebuke in love in order to bring His people back to Himself.

This passage again struck me deeply with it's application to my own heart and life...How often do I look for water in empty cisterns rather than in the One Living and true God who is my beloved Savior! My first love. The One I should run to in all things. My Lord. It was such a good reminder to keep God first in my heart and life always. To forsake empty cisterns for the One true and living One...He alone can fill me with His living water!!

Jeremiah 2: 1-13
"The word of the Lord came to me: "Go and announce directly to Jerusalem that this is what the Lord says:
I remember the loyalty of your youth,
your love as a bride-
how you followed Me in the wilderness,in a land not sown. Israel was holy to the Lord,
the firstfruits of His harvest.
All who ate of it found themselves guilty;
disaster came on them."[This is] the Lord's declaration. Hear the word of the Lord, house of Jacob
and all families of the house of Israel. Here is what the Lord says:
What fault did your fathers find in Me
that they went so far from Me,
followed worthless idols,
and became worthless themselves? They stopped asking: Where is the Lord
who brought us from the land of Egypt,
who led us through the wilderness,
through a land of deserts and ravines,
through a land of drought and darkness,
a land no one traveled through
and where no one lived? I brought you to a fertile land
to eat its fruit and bounty,
but after you entered, you defiled My land;
you made My inheritance detestable. The priests quit asking: Where is the Lord?
The experts in the law no longer knew Me,
and the rulers rebelled against Me.
The prophets prophesied by Baal
and followed useless idols.

Therefore, I will bring a case against you again.[This is] the Lord's declaration.
I will bring a case against your children's children. Cross over to Cyprus and take a look.
Send [someone] to Kedar and consider carefully;
see if there has ever been anything like this: Has a nation [ever] exchanged its gods?
(but they were not gods! )
Yet My people have exchanged their Glory
for useless idols. Be horrified at this, heavens;
be shocked and utterly appalled.[This is] the Lord's declaration. For My people have committed a double evil:
They have abandoned Me,
the fountain of living water,
and dug cisterns for themselves,
cracked cisterns that cannot hold water.

As an introduction to this post I must explain that all week I have been craving hugs! I seriously, asked my roommate like 3 days in a row for hugs like 2x a day and normally I do not get this way.
So this afternoon I found out why I have been craving hugs so much...God needed to get my attention...there was a deeper spiritual need inside me. Here is the story of how I found out today what was truly going on in my heart, it was a spiritual battle that needed to be waged in my heart:

I can hardly believe how God so lovingly embraces me when I get to the end of myself and just fall flat on my face in utter desparation...Today I just for some reason felt I could not go to God in praryer, I just felt so far away, so sinful and distant and broken. I was like I have to talk to someone else...I have to have someone else "heal me" etc.. And I KNEW all along it was idolatrous. God was like gently reminding me "Jessica, you can't go to talk to her before you talk to Me. You need Me not her." I was like "I know I know but I don't want that...I don't know why but I just can't." So I called my friend anyways before seriously laying my heart out to God. So I called my friend 3 times finally on the third call she answered and I listened to the pleasantries and how she was etc. then I started to share later in the conversation that I was down about alot of stuff. My friend started to tell me that I have such great spiritual riches in Christ Jesus my Savior. And that I needed to look to Him instead of to myself for help. I told her that I have messed up my life over and over again...and that I am so frustrated that I can't just clean it all up and have everything perfect like I like it. I told her that deep down I am angry at the brokenness within my life and that I have trouble dealing with the anger, as so often I do not acknowledge it conciously...it just shows up at akward times. I am such a failure to God. I should be a better Christian!

That is when my friend told me that God was at work purifying and changing me into His image...that He is not done in my life and that He is not going to end working on me. At that moment I burst into tears of release and wonder as GOD intervened in the conversation totally by "picking me up" and just burying me in Himself in a huge loving, gentle healing embrace, I just cried as God just showed me through what she said that He met me where I was and was the One I needed...He came to me! I didn't come to Him..He ran to me picked me up and loved me just the way I was broken and wearied and still yucky from my idolatrous-prone heart.
He just took me in my brokenness and put me back together and hasn't let go of me...I am still in His embrace. He will never let go of me I am wrapt up in His arms. His love and mercy just embraces me. It just made me think of how I know that I am IN Christ, now that my righteousness is from being hidden within Christ and His righteousness...I am now seen by God as a part of Christ because I have been hidden and ingrafted into Him! A partaker of the divine nature according to Peter!! It is awesome, I am just so thankful that GOD gives these eternal embraces...and does not let go no matter what. He accepts me faillings, brokenness and quarks everything...He loves me perfectly- so much so that He will not leave me how I am in my brokenness. I am so thankful for that too. He is transforming me through these fits of suffering into His image...everything is working together to purify me so that I will be ready to spend eternity with Him in heaven. I am so happy that I belong to God and that He is at work! So that when in whatever circumstances I can trust God's hand and know God's tight arms wrapt about me!

Yahweh U2 Lyrics

Take these shoes
Click clacking down some dead end street
Take these shoes
And make them fit
Take this shirt
Polyester white trash made in nowhere
Take this shirt
And make it clean, clean
Take this soul
Stranded in some skin and bones
Take this soul
And make it sing
Yahweh, Yahweh
Always pain before a child is born
Yahweh, Yahweh

Still I'm waiting for the dawn
Take these hands
Teach them what to carry
Take these hands
Don't make a fist
Take this mouth
So quick to criticise
Take this mouth
Give it a kiss
Yahweh, Yahweh
Always pain before a child is born
Yahweh, Yahweh

Still I'm waiting for the dawn
Still waiting for the dawn, the sun is coming up
The sun is coming up on the ocean
This love is like a drop in the ocean
This love is like a drop in the ocean
Yahweh, Yahweh
lways pain before a child is born
Yahweh, tell me now
Why the dark before the dawn?
Take this city
A city should be shining on a hill
Take this city
If it be your will
What no man can own, no man can take
Take this heart
Take this heart
Take this heart
And make it break

I would really like to read C.S. Lewis' "The Great Divorce" as it deals with each human's journey either towards God or toward's Satan's kingdom...I have heard such awesome things about the book. I am looking forward to reading it this summer along with a book Kat told me about called "The Celestine Prophecy" By James Redfield.

Last night was my college sponsered a Film Fest, and the New Orleans mission trip group worked for it setting up, greeting, seating and tearing down. It was formal so we got dressed up in dresses and suits ~ it was alot of fun to work at together. My soon-to-be cousin in- law won an award for best female actress for a comical claymation film she and my cousin made...she was so nervous when she had to go up to give a short accpetance speech. She did a great job though and told the audience that she "thanks God for the gift of laughter."

It was so nice to have an occasion to dress up alot for...I just love being able to wear formal type dresses. My dress was a shade of pale blue and shiny and went down to the floor. I wore a white cardigan and with it and my favorite sky blue silver ring. :)!!! Dresses rock...unless of course during tear down and clean up...I changed back into jeans of course for that ;). I like being able to have formals where you don't have to go with a date, where you can just go with a group of friends, no pressure or akwardness..its nice!
SO FUN! ~

1 Kings 19
The Message
[This occurs right after Baal is defeated by God on Mount Carmel, and Jezebel is clearly mad as a hornet]

1Ahab reported to Jezebel everything that Elijah had done, including the massacre of the prophets. 2Jezebel immediately sent a messenger to Elijah with her threat: "The gods will get you for this and I'll get even with you! By this time tomorrow you'll be as dead as any one of those prophets."
3When Elijah saw how things were, he ran for dear life to Beersheba, far in the south of Judah. He left his young servant there 4and then went on into the desert another day's journey. He came to a lone broom bush and collapsed in its shade, wanting in the worst way to be done with it all--to just die: "Enough of this, GOD! Take my life--I'm ready to join my ancestors in the grave!" 5Exhausted, he fell asleep under the lone broom bush.

Suddenly an angel awoke him and said, "Get up and eat!"

6He looked around and, to his surprise, right by his head were a loaf of bread baked on some coals and a jug of water. He ate the meal and went back to sleep.

7The angel of GOD came back, awoke him again, and said, "Get up and eat some more--you've got a long journey ahead of you."

8He got up, ate and drank his fill, and set out. Nourished by that meal, he walked forty days and nights, all the way to the mountain of God, to Horeb. 9When he got there, he crawled into a cave and went to sleep.

Then the word of GOD came to him: "So Elijah, what are you doing here?"

10"I've been working my heart out for the GOD-of-the-Angel-Armies," said Elijah. "The people of Israel have abandoned your covenant, destroyed the places of worship, and murdered your prophets. I'm the only one left, and now they're trying to kill me."

11Then he was told, "Go, stand on the mountain at attention before GOD. GOD will pass by."

A hurricane wind ripped through the mountains and shattered the rocks before GOD, but GOD wasn't to be found in the wind; after the wind an earthquake, but GOD wasn't in the earthquake; 12and after the earthquake fire, but GOD wasn't in the fire; and after the fire a gentle and quiet whisper.

13When Elijah heard the quiet voice, he muffled his face with his great cloak, went to the mouth of the cave, and stood there. A quiet voice asked, "So Elijah, now tell me, what are you doing here?" 14Elijah said it again, "I've been working my heart out for GOD, the GOD-of-the-Angel-Armies, because the people of Israel have abandoned your covenant, destroyed your places of worship, and murdered your prophets. I'm the only one left, and now they're trying to kill me."

15GOD said, "Go back the way you came through the desert to Damascus. When you get there anoint Hazael; make him king over Aram. 16Then anoint Jehu son of Nimshi; make him king over Israel. Finally, anoint Elisha son of Shaphat from Abel Meholah to succeed you as prophet. 17Anyone who escapes death by Hazael will be killed by Jehu; and anyone who escapes death by Jehu will be killed by Elisha. 18Meanwhile, I'm preserving for myself seven thousand souls: the knees that haven't bowed to the god Baal, the mouths that haven't kissed his image."

I need God every moment! I need Him to fill me fully with His Spirit and make me overflow with His beautiful love. If I am not filled with Him, I am filled with my sinful nature. I cannot serve two masters or be filled with both, either I will be filled with God or self. When I am filled with God and His holiness, I reflect who I was made to be originally, in the image of God. I am more myself than ever when conformed to God. Sin is the corruption of mankind's reflection of God and goodness.

He hears this prayer. He hears my cry. He wants me to wrestle with it and come to Him out of my deepest need. C oming to God and I show Him my own heart's need of Him. Asking... pleading for His perfect fullness to fill my heart. He does not deny those who ask in sincerity!

~If we give good gifts to our children and we are evil, How much more would God who is perfect give good gifts to His children?

My mom sent me an email and informed of the latest actions of my 2 year old nephew and soon to be 1 year old neice. They are at this super cute stage, I miss them alot! Mom wrote: "Michael saw your picture and fondly said your name! He spoke in his
sleep last night and said ELEPHANT! He has an active mind. Megan is taking
her time in learning to walk, but she is very verbal... if we could just
understand her! Love, Mom"

It just made my day and so I just wanted to share it with you...Children just make me smile! Esp. my nephew and neice! :)

I have a prayer request. I need God's direction about whether I should go back to New Orleans right after this semseter for a few weeks. A few people from the missions trip this semester are traveling back and I am not sure if I should go back or head home and get a job....

Thank you so much for your prayers!

This is a review of The Question of God I wrote for the school newspaper last semester. I love this book...it is a fast read that just draws you in....and you learn so much about Lewis and Freud lives.

In The Question of God.Armand Nicholi Jr. compares the lives and worldviews of C.S. Lewis and Sigmund Freud

Nicholi, a Harvard professor, has taught a comparative course on Freud and Lewis's views on God, love, pain and the meaning of life for 30 years. Nicholi seeks in The Question of God to help his readers investigate Freud and Lewis's answers to the titanic struggles they experience in their search for the truth.

Each chapter in The Question of God poses a specific question and examines how both Freud and Lewis saw the issue. The first part of Nicholi's book poses the question, "What should we believe?" Nicholi examines how Lewis and Freud would uniquely answer this question through their collected writings. Questions include "The Creator: Is There Intelligence Beyond the Universe?" and "Conscience: Is there a Universal Moral Law?"

The second part of the book covers questions including: "Happiness: What is the Source of Our Greatest Enjoyment of Life?", "Love: Is all Love Sublimated Sex?" and "Pain: How can we resolve the Problem of Suffering?" Special emphasis is placed on the biographical narratives of Freud and Lewis and the effects of their worldviews upon their lives.

Nicholi saw the two men as the perfect match for comparative analysis and critique since both Lewis and Freud struggled with the issues of God, the meaning of life, pain and love.

At several points Nicholi alerts his readers when he believes that Freud oversteps the bounds of an argument's logic. Nicholi particularly mentions several instances in which Freud's statements are contradictory. He notes that Freud speaks of God numerous times in his letters with statements and phrases such as "I passed my examinations with God's help," "in the next world" and "science seems to demand the existence of God."

"Can we not dismiss all this as merely figures of speech-common in English as well as in German?" asks Nicholi. "Yes, if it were anyone but Freud. But Freud insisted even a slip of the tongue had meaning."

The Question of God reveals that Freud lived as a man who was deeply fearful, searching the deeper longings he had for which he could not account.

Nicholi points out that Lewis' life contrasted starkly with Freud's after his "transition" from atheism to faith. Lewis sees that the unquenchable longings all humans experience have a fulfillment. Lewis wrote that "all your life an unattainable ecstasy has hovered just beyond the grasp of your consciousness. The day is coming when you will wake to find, beyond all hope, that you have attained it, or else, that it was within your reach and you have lost it forever."

This book is perfect for anyone who desires to read a truly engaging introduction to the lives of Lewis and Freud as well as several of the questions with which they wrestled. I highly recommend The Question of God as a book that brilliantly captures and contrasts Freud and Lewis's lives and worldviews.

The Question of God was published in Aug. 2003. And was aired as a two-part PBS documentary.

Armand M. Nicholi, Jr
The Question of God
C.S. Lewis and Sigmund Freud Debate God, Love, Sex and the Meaning of Life
Free Press, 304 pp., $25.00
0-7432-0237-6f

This is John Piper's ministry "Desiring God" site and it contains some great short online biographies. I really appreciated the ones esp. on William Cowper, George Mueller, Adoniram Judson
about "The Cost of Bringing Christ to Burma", John Newton and William Paton. The biographies are extrordinary examples of Christians who LIVED for Christ and yet struggled also just like all Christans!

This website is full of wisdom. I reccomend it heartily. =)

Psalm 119:1-6
How blessed are those whose way is blameless,
Who walk in the law of the LORD.
How blessed are those who observe His testimonies,
Who seek Him with all their heart.
They also do no unrighteousness;
They walk in His ways.
You have ordained Your precepts, That we should keep them diligently.
Oh that my ways may be established to keep Your statutes!
Then I shall not be ashamed when I look upon all Your Commandments.

~Psalm 119 is a good reminder of the eternal blessings a Christian has. Christians are not only blessed each day with the love and favor of God but also are blessed in eternity with the promise of eternal joy in God. Then our hearts will be perfected to "walk in the [perfect!] law of the LORD," that brings freedom, blessing and great joy when followed. As one Christian said "A person never breaks God's commandments, a person is broken on the commandments by not keeping them. That is the truth, as we each were designed to follow God's good design for the world...sin is the poisening of God's good creation!

I often ask myself why I would rather go consume something with poison in it (listening to the old nature: sin) rather than seeking to enjoy what is truly good and as God created: holiness. This battle rages because inside each Christian we must grapple daily with the remains of corruption...the old nature which is being put to death...it is tied up at the bottom of the boat yet it still yells to the board of the ship like it has the authority to order me around. Not anymore old sinful nature! Your being put to death and I will refuse to listen to your calls though they sound authoritative. I know that the new man created in Christ Jesus for good works and righteousness lives within and is on the upper deck of the boat and is free to steer the ship towards God's kingdom rather than towards Satans! What a blessing to no longer be sailing towards destruction, but rather to God's glorious kingdom.

Now I ask God that I might have good enough sense to not listen to the old man tied up under the deck! He has no authority over me anymore. "Therefore if you have been raised up with Christ, keep seeking the things above, where Christ is seated at the right hand of God. Set your minds on things above not on the things of the earth. For you have died and now my life is hidden with God in Christ Jesus. When Christ who is your life is revealed, then you also will be revealed with Him in glory. Therefore consider the members of your earthly body as dead to immorality, impurity, passion, evil desire, and greed, which is idolatry....So as those who have been chosen of God, holy and beloved, put on a heart of compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience." Colossians 3:1-5, 12

Love this song!

Christ in the Gospel of John is displayed as the eternal “I Am” who fulfills the theme begun when God reveals Himself to Moses as “I Am who I Am” at the burning bush. God’s character is equated with His ultimate being as He from whom All good and perfect things flow from. For “in Him we live and move and have our being as Paul said in Acts 16.

Christ’s essence as the I Am who was before Moses and greater than him is seen by how Christ speaks to the Pharisees in the Gospel of John. Jesus is clear that the fulfillment of all the prophecies is fulfilled in Him alone. The Pharisees were so stubborn and blinded by sin that they did not see that Christ’s perfect fullness had arrived and that the better covenant had been inaugurated. They needed to go to Christ to be filled and healed…

The sad irony was that they did not see their need of the light shining in the only Messiah: Jesus Christ! The eternal God in human flesh!
How often do like the Pharisees of old, forget to see my ultimate need of someone greater than myself to heal and work in my life. How often do I accept a mediocre spiritual state instead of being desperate to go straight to Christ for renewal and strength for each day’s trials and battles?

Too often I neglect to look and see that Jesus is the perfect “I Am” who alone can change me and use me for His kingdom. Oh, that I might be able to see the truth more readily! And act upon it daily by seeking dilligently to be filled with Christ's Spirit at all times...that is true joyful living!

Amen Lord Jesus! Grant strength and wisdom.

This is the church I attend at college and their website has a place to listen to their most recent sermon, they are going through John and they are very applicable and thought provoking! I have learned alot at College Hill Church about God and His people.

I appreciate the Pastor heart for people alot as well as his passion to preach the word of God. :)
He is always inviting people over to his house for Sunday evening meal or for coffee just to talk to he and his wife. They just adopted a baby girl from China this winter. Her name is Katie and she is SUPER cute! Our family sewed a quilt for her. It is so sweet seeing her in her mom's arms in church.

Psalm 94
The Message

GOD, put an end to evil; avenging God, show your colors!
Judge of the earth, take your stand;
throw the book at the arrogant.

GOD, the wicked get away with murder--
how long will you let this go on?
They brag and boast
and crow about their crimes!

They walk all over your people, GOD,
exploit and abuse your precious people.
They take out anyone who gets in their way;
if they can't use them, they kill them.
They think, "GOD isn't looking,
Jacob's God is out to lunch."

Well, think again, you idiots,
fools--how long before you get smart?
Do you think Ear-Maker doesn't hear,
Eye-Shaper doesn't see?
Do you think the trainer of nations doesn't correct,
the teacher of Adam doesn't know?
GOD knows, all right--
knows your stupidity,
sees your shallowness.

How blessed the man you train, GOD,
the woman you instruct in your Word,
Providing a circle of quiet within the clamor of evil,
while a jail is being built for the wicked.
GOD will never walk away from his people,
never desert his precious people.
Rest assured that justice is on its way
and every good heart put right.

~The Psalmist doesn't mince words. He is honest, there is a future for God's people, but those who reject Him will be put to shame eteranlly. The persecution of God's people is happening all over the world right now. God remembers them. He will hear their cry and save them, but for now their testimony might be sealed by their blood. "The blood of the martyrs is the seed of the church" as an early church father noticed.

Mom told me on Friday that she and dad are thinking about going to Haiti...I am not sure for how long. I did not expect that they would think of Haiti. Either that or some place I can't remember in Africa. But Haiti is closer, so they would prefer to go there. It would be to help with a church down there. They need more deacons I am told, and dad has been deacon for several years. ~This is crucial the thinking and prayer stage as far as I know for my parents, no final decisions have been made yet.

We see the love and justice of God most clearly portrayed at the cross. If we ever doubt God's love for His people we should look to the cross! There God's love is most poignantly revealed, as well as Christ's amazing humility! God the Son came to earth and died for the sins of all who trust in Him! That is love! Deep, deep love! Love that demands an answer~ will we give in to His call and seek that we might be engulfed in that puresest and most fulfilling love or will we leave it and turn to our own ways of selfishness and sin? The love and friendship of God is worth our lives and everything! May we enjoy this sweet and awesome eternal treasure found in Christ through His costly sacrifice!"

God is trying to get through to me...I need to listen harder, be more still to hear Him speak. "He will speak peace to His people, but let them not return to folly". Yes how true. My heart too easily fly's downward instead of heavenward, where my true joy resides.

My heart anxiously runs toward things that are worthless and that is when I realize that I have fled the close intimate presence of God and sought out that which is not meaningful...vain emptiness...my own desires to rule my life autonomously...Oh when will I learn to not try to rule my life! I want Christ as Lord to overule and His voice to call me to all things I do.

So I will just simply go back and start again, repentance is a daily work, Going to Christ for that refreshment, love and acceptance I so need. I do rejoice at how He welcomes me. It is amazing to me to see "there's no shadow of turning in Him...great is Your faithfulness Lord God my Savior!" "there's no bitterness" It is wonderful His forgiveness. He welcomes with open arms His repentant lambs back to His still pastures.

1 it takes a full week of being around me for people to stop believing the complete myth that I am shy. I love to converse.

2 my mom is from Alaska and can shoot, fish and hunt, but prefers not to :).

3 I think everyone should go to Valdez Alaska and get incredibly seasick deep sea fishing for salmon and getting small sharks instead. We caught a fish that weighed as much as I did. hehe and then we ate it.

4 my dad was raised on a dairy farm, wears a cowboy hat in the winter and likes driving his pickup truck, he does not sing country though, he prefers Psalms.

5 look like my dad as I am a toe head with denim eyes like him.

6 ok, don't try this at home kids but, I was vegan for 4 years

7 disliked all 4 years. (At that time I thought it was healthy. And yes I did eat alot of tofu. Or "toe fuss" as my Uncle Jim calls it :).

8 my brother married my pen pal and confident (never expected that). They eloped!

9 Enjoy the angelic sound of the American boy chior.

10 secretly wished in middle school that I was a boy so I could join the chior and tour America singing...seriously what a cool life?

11 sang in a concert with one of their touring groups (a high point of my girlhood "sigh").

12 hate plain milk...but like plain yogurt...how random is that?

13. like to drink lemon juice (common practice as a girl).

14 love honesty and people who are open...about themselves.

15 (Something random about my dorm situation) My engineering major roommate speaks Japanese fluently and my computer has Japanese capabilities. My roomate wants to be a missionary to Japan, not an engineer, can you tell?

16 can get mad, it does not happen alot (alot of people who meet me for the first time say they don't believe me on this point) and I cannot stay mad for very long, usually for one day and then it is gone and I don't know were it goes, it might go subconcious. Not so good eh?

17. I love to read theology and biographies

18. have spent much of my teenage years reading, singing, babysitting/nannying and listening to the radio/cds.

19. As a child I always removed the bun from hamburgers and had an aversion to cheese, milk, tomato soup, pb&j's, bananas and hot dogs. Yes I was and STILL am strange ;0) (About buns...What is that white fluffy white thing doing on my meat anyways?)

20. love being around people and gain energy from interaction (only my family and good friends believe me when I say that I am an extrovert)

21. my brother was in a rock band. And numbers of girls had crushes on him.

22 Someone found a T-Rex dino skeleton on my Grandpa's land in Montanna.

23 I don't like T-Rex's, snakes or crocodiles.

24 Blog friends know that I love to comment, and I tend to read a friend's blog like a book...cover to cover (when I have time at least).

25 I like math, it does not like me.

26 my dad is a chemist and helped formulate a type of fabric softener called "Downy Advanced".
27 my parents (I have gone several times also) just stopped this month living half-time in Columbus OH and half-time in Richmond VA for the last 3 years. Now they are finally permanant residents of Ohio again! Our church family is thankful!

28 Colonial Williamsburg is cool (for the first 4 visits at least).

29 While in highschool my closest friends were 10-15 years older than myself.

30 My dad's side relatives have lived on their farm in Northwood Ohion since 1837 and the family was a part of the abolitionist movement and the underground railroad. The family immigrated to Ohio from Darbyshire Ireland. He was my quadruple great Grandpa John.

~Ok enough random things about me...now tell me about youself! If you have read this far, you should make a list of 30 random facts about yourself and your history.

I was in church this evening sitting there minding my own when, boom, after opening my eyes after a prayer there sat in front my pew a young man with big hair, not only just big hair but rather dredlocks to be specific. These locks were so different looking and I am prone to be one who can't just stare at the Pastor the entire service so I knew it was going to be an impossible challenge to keep my mind on target. Looking back at it the situation was humorous as the man sitting next to him was about 70 and was wearing a suit and tie.

Guess what the sermon was about! Hebrews 2:1-4 all about "Paying attention!" Yep, it was quite ironic to be honest...later I laughed about it walking back to my dorm with a friend....my lack of ability to pay attention when someone a little unusual sits in front of me.

The message was about paying attention to Jesus and the Gospel that has been revealed. Dr. Scott Oliphint from Westminister Seminary in Philidelphia was preaching and he was telling us that it is easy to drift away from Christ and not even realize one is really doing it. It was a good reminder! And I don't think I will forget it soon because of the person sitting in front of me...he kind of just cemented the whole "pay attention....when its really hard" theme into my head. So yes God did have a sense of humor in all that.
:)
So the point is: Pay attention to Christ! Even and especially when life gets distracting!

"Permanent happiness comes in heaven because God is there. However joyous the company of the redeemed, friends, old and new, the real life of heavenly party is God Himself. The love of Christian family and friends are but drops; God is the ocean...It is especially by union with Christ that this perfect enjoyment which makes heaven-heaven comes about. The saints possess "all things", but this is in Jesus Christ"

(Dr. John Gerstner pg.14-5 of book entitled Jonathan Edwards on Heaven and Hell a very in-depth and helpful book on the subject). ~I am currently writing a paper on Jonathan Edwards.

Return to distant shores
where true life soars
oceans roar
bursting tides
chambers of desires
flow towards endless day
open space crammed with promises
Immortal wind whispers to the heart
living remembrances
high tides of desire
rush unbroken
as possiblities beyond this shore's realms
dreams of hope and wonder
finding fulfillment in awaiting
the joy of the distant shore

~ God's people are awaiting a future, an eternal hope in heaven. this earthly shore is the preparation for the entrance to our eternal home, where our Savior is awaits us. There will be a joyful sunrise, to this world' dark night.

Psalm 30:5 "Sorrow may remain for a night, but rejoicing comes in the morning."

Shawn McDonald's song called "Gravity" Kat placed on her blog...is good...Thanks for posting it Kat. ;) These are a few lines of the lyrics, they resonate in my heart. It is the daily battle to stay obedient to the call of Christ. This world's sin is virulent in its lure. McDonald states:

"Don't let me lose my sight of You ... I don't want to fall away from You
Gravity is pulling me to the ground
This world keeps making me cry...
Turn my back on this old world
Leave it all behind
This place is not my home
It's got nothing for me
Only leaves me emptiness
And tears in my eyes..."

This is so true, when I watch the news I can hardly believe this is the world we live in. It is a tragic place and there are so many hard hearts today so closed to holiness and God's truth. God must open our eyes and change us, then we will long for His beauty.

Sarah McLachlan~ turn it up and sing along this video "World on Fire" is good!

here's the link,

http://www.worldonfire.ca

Several real audio clips I like including Evanescence's “Missing”, Enya and Sarah McLachlan “Time”.
http://play.rbn.com/?
http://musicstore.real.com/music_store/preview.ram?trackid=6798604
http://musicstore.real.com/music_store/preview.ram?trackid=5784872
http://www.nettwerk.com/media/ram/SarMc_Tim.ram

Last night I heard a conference speaker on apologetics and 1 Peter, it was so encouraging! So I thought I should share it with you all. He talked about 1 Peter 1:3-9, oh what a joyful message. He said that Christians know what hope is! He said that the bumper sticker that says "I gave up hope, and now I feel better" was in part true as we can't just have hope in hope or faith in faith....that just is not logical...we must have hope and faith in something trustworthy, substantial and powerful. Those who do not know Christ do not know this eternal hope. But we do as followers of Christ! So we have alot to share with others and to rejoice in!

Here is the passage...it is so powerful!

(New Life Version) 1 Peter 1:3-9
3 Let us thank the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ. It was through His loving-kindness that we were born again to a new life and have a hope that never dies. This hope is ours because Jesus was raised from the dead.

4 We will receive the great things that we have been promised. They are being kept safe in heaven for us. They are pure and will not pass away. They will never be lost.

5You are being kept by the power of God because you put your trust in Him and you will be saved from the punishment of sin at the end of the world.

6With this hope you can be happy even if you need to have sorrow and all kinds of tests for awhile.

7These tests have come to prove your faith and to show that it is good. Gold, which can be destroyed, is tested by fire. Your faith is worth much more than gold and it must be tested also. Then your faith will bring thanks and shining-greatness and honor to Jesus Christ when He comes again.

8You have never seen Him but you love Him. You cannot see Him now but you are putting your trust in Him. And you have joy so great that words cannot tell about it.

9You will get what your faith is looking for, which is to be saved from the punishment of sin.


I left reminded of how important it is to rejoice in God each day! We truly have an eternal and incoruptable hope and source of joy in the midst of trial.

I love the LORD, because he hath heard my voice and my supplications.
Because he hath inclined his ear unto me, therefore will I call upon him as long as I live. The sorrows of death compassed me, and the pains of hell gat hold upon me: I found trouble and sorrow.
Then called I upon the name of the LORD; O LORD, I beseech thee, deliver my soul.
Gracious is the LORD, and righteous; yea, our God is merciful.
The LORD preserveth the simple: I was brought low, and he helped me.
Return unto thy rest, O my soul; for the LORD hath dealt bountifully with thee.
For thou hast delivered my soul from death, mine eyes from tears, and my feet from falling.
I will walk before the LORD in the land of the living.
I believed, therefore have I spoken: I was greatly afflicted:
I said in my haste, All men are liars.
What shall I render unto the LORD for all his benefits toward me?
I will take the cup of salvation, and call upon the name of the LORD.
I will pay my vows unto the LORD now in the presence of all his people.
Precious in the sight of the LORD is the death of his saints.
O LORD, truly I am thy servant; I am thy servant, and the son of thine handmaid: thou hast loosed my bonds.
I will offer to thee the sacrifice of thanksgiving, and will call upon the name of the LORD.
I will pay my vows unto the LORD now in the presence of all his people,
In the courts of the LORD house, in the midst of thee, O Jerusalem. Praise ye the LORD.

~ AMEN~

~I See Things Upside Down~ by derek webb

what looks like failure is success
and what looks like poverty is riches
when what is true looks more like a knife
it looks like you’re killing me
but you’re saving my life

chorus
but i give myself to what looks like love
and i sell myself for what feels like love
and i pay to get what is not love
and all just because i see things upside down

what looks like weakness can do anything
and what looks like foolishness is understanding
when what is powerful has not come to fight
it looks like you’re going to war
but you lay down your life

chorus
what looks like torture is a time to rejoice
what sounds like thunder is a comforting voice
when what is beautiful looks broken and crushed
and i say i don’t know you
but you say it’s finished
when what is beautiful looks broken and crushed
and i say i don’t know you
but you say it’s finished